I feel like I'm sinning.

I like everything about her. Her style, her voice, her personality her laugh even is so, enviable. Guys don't see her as anything special but how I wish I was just like her. Not, grow up to be like her but to maybe, die and come back as her?

Ah well, just a phase. Atleast thats what I keep telling myself anyway.

So, its Thursday right now and I'm all up and down for KO. Yep, dying. Have to go for weekly training in about 45 minutes.

Fuck, I'm sleepy.

The second semester has been a royal pain in the ass so far. I haven't found my learning groove just yet. I hope it's not lost or something. Everything feels cramped and not in order as compared to last semester where we sometimes had the whole morning to sleep and randomly jet off to Melaka for Starbucks and a movie.

Crazy times.

Anyway, been finding out lots of crazy unexpected facts about people. Here I am, refraining myself from typing the things these kids do and there they are doing crazy shit. I feel a teeny bit left out but at the same time I'm not really interested in whatever it is they find amusing. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit too old for Uni, seeing as the kids here act like 4 year old at times. Then, there's the whole " Live once, try everything" motto everyone seem to have.

Whatever happened to MY motto "Live once, don't be a stupid fuck."

Oh and another thing, I realised that I've started my swearing phase again. It's not nice, I've counted the number of times I've written fuck in this post and it's a fuckload I tell you. Despite being born a swearing machine again, I'm actually quite humble these days. I'm helping a lot of people, emotionally, and it feels..like a burden at times but quite rewarding.

A rewarding burden.

I'm just wondering, did god really give guys a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time? Frankly, I think that's a fact. No no, nothing personal..just, it's hard to have a best friend who can be a bloody jerk sometimes.

An advice to all girls, not straight is the way to go ;)

If you're a one track mind person and is quick to judge, no, I am not gay.

It's 10.00am right now, quite early to be online but it's my only retreat right now.

Ever heard of the saying of "how if you really want something, the whole universe conspires for you to get it." I really didn't want to go for my brass band training thing. It has been a while since I really really didn't want something.

I got what I want, and received something bad, really bad in return.

Yesterday night, received a phone call from my auntie, saying that my uncle Omar is in critical condition. I just visited him that morning, and he was resting and everything was okay. That evening, my parents decided that maybe going back during times like these would not be such a good idea. The doctor wanted family members to be with him at all times.

He could be gone, anytime.

I felt really bad for my cousin, Sal. She's the closest person I have. Her dad is my dad. Just the thought of letting her go through this alone did not feel right at all. Therefore I decided to stay back, and be with her.

This morning, I woke up early to pass on the bus tickets to my friend, tellling her I would not be able to make it to training. In the car, my mom phoned my brother and told him to get ready because we will be going to the hospital. Stopped at a stall, and my dad went in to buy breakfast. Suddenly, he came out looking like someone I do not recognize.

He looked scared.

He got to the car and told us that Uncle Mohan, has just passed away. Uncle Mohan has been a family friend since before I was born. So close to us, that he is basically the extra uncle I know. I grew up with his two sons. The thought of him gone, made me speechless.

I was on the phone with him just yesterday evening, and he sounded fine. He was even making fun of me for having to report for training.

One gone, one more to go?

Please god, let the families be strong. Don't break them down and don't let them lose hope. May Uncle Mohan rest in peace.

The person with the dirtiest mind I know is...myself. But then, why the heck can't I figure out what the song "If You Seek Amy" is all about. All I know is it has a pretty good beat and sounds better than "Circus." I've tried to think about the dirtiest of things but it doesn't make sense!!

Maybe I am changing into a more civilised human being.

I haven't started packing yet. Have a bus to catch at 9 am tomorrow. I've been hearing lots of really bad stories about this intensive training thing.
Go to bed at 1am
Wake up at 4am
Running with your instruments (mine would be that effing trombone)
Doing monkey bars with your instruments
Glide with the tarzan ropes with your instruments

Maybe PLAYING the instruments is included in the schedule somewhere, I'm not sure.

I better get a high pointer this semester. An A+ atleast for this band shit.

On to a more lighter note, my friend Nad just called. She's not aware that I'm going back to campus tomorrow so she has all this "Girls Day Out" thing planned for tomorrow. I've decided to..not tell her, yet. Let her plan everything, THEN I'll tell her.

Shut up! I'm in pain here.

I'm also going to be missing out on my other friend's birthday party tomorrow. Which is effed up la. The dude punye birthday dah la on the 21st of January but he has parties till 5 days after. Lucky bitch! I could've had free dinner at Chilli's and a free err Coke? at Quatrro Club.

Yes, my best friend is the TOTAL opposite of me. Till this day I wonder how the hell we ended up being such close friends. We count on each other, remind each other of things to do, ARGUE most of the time and end up agreeing on different things.

He does things that I don't do, but we both like Dashboard Confessionals!!

Then, there's my other friend, a girl who I have known for 6 years but to this day, it's so hard to have a flowing conversation with her.

Life is a piece of cake..on crap.

Hello...

Thats the best intro I could come up with right now, I'm sorry.

So, mid sem break right now. Fuck. Yes, I said fuck. I knew there was going to be some havoc done by the most insignificant thing on campus.

My lovely Brass Band decided to put us through some intensive training shit during this sem break. I have to report back on campus next Tuesday morning, while the rest of them have the week off.

Shit la!!!

As if second sem hasn't been as bad as it already is. Lecturers are fine. Ok, maybe I'm lying. There's one I really don't like, because she bloody scrares me. The fact that she teaches Statistics just makes it 10 times worse.

Then there's Mr L, who teaches Management Studies. Well, atleast he tries to, since I don't freakin understand what he teaches.

Then, there Accounting 150 that I don't understand.

Same goes for Microecomics.

I always get this nauseating feeling that I'm going to do so bad this sem. I have no drive, seriously. Everything keeps piling up. Plus, this brass band thing isn't helping either. I thought atleast, I could get a week off from all the stress but goodbye to that now.

I've even lost my sense of good humour.

Blame uni.

Blame life, why don't I.